Sorrow
by alexmonalisa
Summary: Post X1. After an accident, Rogue is mentally unstable and confined to the lower levels of the mansion. The new psyche in her is griefing for her lost husband and wants revenge. All Rogue wants is to go home.


**A/N: I know, I should be working on my other stories. But this song is stuck in my head and refuses to go away.  
Sorrow by Flyleaf**

Rogue is in normal text

_Maggie thoughts are in italics._

**Lyrics in bold**

* * *

**Sometimes life seems too quiet  
****Into paralyzing silence  
Like the moonless dark  
Meant to make me strong**

"Rogue?… Wake up. It's time to wake up."

I carefully open my eyes. The lights are dimmed and I'm sitting on a chair. I blink a few times and notice that the professor is sitting at the end of the room. I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

"Fuck, how long was I out?" I mutter.

"Two days."

I nod and sigh. Two days is not that bad. Considering what happened. I look up and the professor is staring at his hands. Probably going through my mind. I rub my head and try to think back to why I'm in one of the medical rooms. Oh yeah. One month ago we went on a mission. Me, Logan, Storm, Jean, Scott, Jubilee and Bobby. There was a mutant who was attacking the town he lived in. They thought his wife was a witch and wanted to burn her. Some people have not embraced the present. In the end we had to kill him. He was about to kill everyone. His wife didn't take it well. She grabbed me and didn't let go. I was too tired to control my skin before she touched me. And once she touched, my control was the last thing on my mind. She's insane and now lives within me. I tried to burn down the mansion and that's when they decided to lock me in the lower levels. I can't get into cerebro, the hangar or the danger room because she doesn't know how. Her name is Margaret Anne Yates and she too is a mutant. She makes ethereal copies of people. People in her town thought she was raising the dead. She loved her husband more than anything. She was born was purple skin and green markings. Everyone considered her ugly except her dear Calvin. And now he was dead.

"Stop." commands the professor.

I gasp realising I've delved to far into her memories. That usually makes her take control.

"I hate being here. It's too quiet."

"How do you feel?"

"Weak." I whisper.

"Think about you. Think about when Logan came back."

Logan. He went to find his past. He came back when I was twenty and by then I could control my powers. He came back after hearing that we'd killed Stryker and found more information about the weapon X program. I wasn't with Bobby by then. After a few months things became really serious between Logan and I. And then we were married. After that things fell into place. I was pregnant after the honeymoon and even though I was terrified Logan would leave, he never did. We've been married for seven years and our son is five. Tyler. My heart hurts just thinking about him.

"I want to see him." I whisper.

"Rogue-"

"It's been a month. I want to see my son!"

"Logan said-"

"Fuck him! Fuck all of you. You can't keep me locked down here forever."

"Rogue?"

"I hate him. I hate all of you."

"Is that true?"

**Familiar breath of my old lies  
Changed the color in my eyes**

No. I love Logan. More than anything.

"Yes, I want to kill him."

No. No. She's making me say this. I force my body to turn to the mirror. I stare at the blue eyes glaring back at me. My head snaps back to the professor who is rubbing at his temples. I take a deep breath. It's really hard when fighting for control. I think rather about my wedding. It was in Summer and I wore a cream dress. I didn't wear shoes to keep with the informal theme. Logan didn't even wear a tux, just the normal jeans and t-shirt. It was right, it was us.

"Your eyes are brown again." said the professor.

"She's locked away. For now."

"I'm sorry I can't help you."

"At least you're trying professor."

"I have a surprise for you."

My heart flutters suddenly but then I push down the false hope. They're not going to let me out of here. Not for one second even. Logan said he'd rather have me in here than out there in a mental asylum. The door opens and Logan walks in with a rose. He and the professor exchange a look before the professor leaves. Logan sits on the bed so that he is opposite me and lays the rose on my lap. As I pick up the rose and smell it, I feel him lean forward and run his fingers through my hair.

"You okay Marie?"

"Uh-huh."

"Have you eaten?"

"No, I just woke up a few mintues ago."

"Jean will probably bring your breakfast soon."

I nod and stand up. I take out the dead sunflower from the vase next to my bed, throw it in the trash, and put the rose in the vase. Logan always brings me a different flower. He knows I don't actually have a favourite flower because I love all flowers. The flowers are good because Margaret is allergic so it helps push her personality away. Soon Logan has stood too and puts his arms around my waist. His face nuzzles into my hair and I realise that he's missed me a lot. He sees my everyday but of course most days I'm not actually me. I turn around in his arms to face him and slip my arms around his neck. He smiles and leans forward the same time as me so that our lips meet. The kiss is hard and hungry filled with passion. When tears start to fall from my eyes, I pull back and rest my forehead against his brood chest.

"I love you." I whisper.

He tilts my head up and smiles a soft smile. My heart flutters a little and I suddenly feel like a nervous little girl on her first date with her crush.

"I love you too darlin'."

"I miss you. A lot."

"I miss you too baby but-"

I put my finger on his lips and sigh. I've heard this all before. Until I'm completely stable and one-hundred percent rid of the psychotic woman inside my head, I can't go home. He hugs me again and presses a kiss to my palm.

"I need to go now."

I nod.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

I nod again and he steps back from our embrace. He digs into his pocket and hands me an envelope. Then he kisses my cheek before leaving the room. I open the envelope and stifle a sob. It's a picture drawn by Tyler. It has a big stick figure with a skirt and a smaller one. They're holding hands and written across the top of the picture is 'Mommy and me.'. I miss him so much. I smooth out the picture and place it next to the rose. I need to get out of this room.

**Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by**

I roamed through the under-levels of the mansion, bare feet hardly feeling the cold floor anymore. Stopping at the end of one corridor, I sigh and crossed my arms. I can feel something or someone behind me but I don't turn around. Even though every fibre in my being wanted to. My neck tingles and my heart begins to flutter rapidly.

"Maggie?" I ask.

"_He's coming. He's here."_

I sigh inwardly and close my eyes. I try to push her back but she's fighting hard. I slam my fist against the wall in front of me and it startles her enough to calm down.

"_He promised to stay with me. He promised… he loves me. He's coming back! He-"_

"Shut-up."

"_No! You took him away. He needs me to find him."_

"He can't be found. So just shut-up and leave me alone."

"_He can't be found because you killed him!"_

"We had to."

"_He's dead. And it's all your fault!"_

No! No not again. I feel sick and suddenly I'm thrown to the back of my mind. I try to reclaim my mind but a cage slams around me. I'm trapped again.

**Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you  
And hope for all eternity  
For just one second I felt whole  
As you flew right through me**

_My eyes flutter open and I look around. I'm in the cool undergrounds of this place they've taken to me. I turn around and notice that whoever was behind me is gone. Tears stream down my cheeks. I want him back. I want my Calvin. I back towards the room they confine me too. When I'm back there the doctor is in there, placing a tray of food down. Next to the plate of fruit on the tray is a syringe. I try to ignore the doctor as I sit on the bed and lay down. I can't fight with my heart so heavy. I loved him and he was taken away from me. I have nothing of him left but the memories he left me. When he died he laid a hand on my cheek and told me that I was his everything. In that moment I felt whole and I felt his soul pour into me. The doctor hands me my plate of food and I eat as much as I can. But I don't want to eat, meaning she's fighting within. The first sign of resistance is nausea. As I finish and she takes my plate, I lay down and stick my arm out. The needle sinks in I let go of the control. For now._

**Left alone with only reflections of the memory  
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me**

I jerk awake with a gasp. Jean is sitting in a chair in my room, reading a magazine. I stand slowly and go to the mirror. I flinch.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"I feel smothered."

I can see Maggie in the mirror. She is looking down, arms folded and tears running down her face. Her purple skin looks pale and wrinkled. I think she's ugly because that the way she sees herself. I have her memories from her childhood when people would call her freak and throw rocks.

"Six hours this time. I sedated her as soon as she surfaced."

"Thanks Jean."

"No problem."

"I don't want to do this anymore."

"We're trying to help Rogue."

"Locking me in a room? Keeping me away from my son? How does that help anyone?"

"Don't get angry."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Jean."

Jean and I both look up as Logan enters the room. Jean sighs, takes the tray and walks out. Logan is smiling at me and I'm suddenly curious.

"What?" I ask, smiling despite my misery.

"Remember that surprise the professor promised you?"

"Yeah-"

"Mommy!"

Before I could even react someone small leapt onto my bed and thin small arms wrapped around my neck. I wrapped my arms around my son's thin waist and took a deep breath of his scent. He smelt the same as he did a month ago. Like peppermint, forest and leather. Also with a hint of baby powder. I pulled back to look at him. He looked the same. Same brown hair, standing in all directions, same piercing hazel eyes and same cute smile. He had a little gap by his two front teeth, like me. I pull him back into a hug and kiss his cheek.

"I missed you angel."

"I missed you too mommy."

I pull back again and settle him on my lap. He lifts his little hand and traces my face as if mesmerising me. I grab his hand and kiss his fingers.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yup. Daddy moved my bed into his room because I miss you at night. And he reads me stories every night. And and yesterday, Uncle Scott took me to the zoo."

"That's wonderful sweetheart."

"And the other day, daddy took me horse riding."

"Great."

"Mommy?"

"Yes angel?"

"When are you coming home?"

"I am home."

"I mean with me and daddy. We need you."

I sniff and kiss his head again. The bed dips slightly as Logan settles next to us. He strokes Tyler's hair and lifts the little boys chin.

"We talked about this kid. Your mom has to stay here until she gets better."

Tyler turns to me with a frown.

"Where does it hurt mommy?"

I sigh and touch my head.

"Here." I whisper.

"I'll kiss it better."

He leans forward and places a kiss on my head. I smile and wipe at the tears forming in my eyes. Logan suddenly looks towards the door and sighs.

"Say goodbye kid."

Tyler pouts and flings his arms around me. I hug him tightly before letting him go.

"I love you mommy."

"Love you too angel. Be good okay."

He nods and then turns to hop off the bed. He waves and skips out the room. As soon as his gone I collapse into Logan's arms.

**Sitting closer than my pain  
He knew each tear before it came  
Soon He will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by**

"Sorry I never should-"

"No, I wanted to see him. It's just leaving him that's so hard." I whisper.

Logan strokes my hair and pulls me into his lap. I settle there and cling to him. He tilts my head up and with each tear that falls, kisses it away. I soon feel more calm and simply enjoy the feel of being in his arms. Logan knows me better than anyone else. He probably knew that even if it was for a few seconds, I needed to see my baby. Logan had been there when I gave birth to Tyler. He was premature and one of his lungs were undeveloped. I spent so many weeks next to his little baby chamber. Logan had to bring me food and serve as a pillow when I fell asleep on the floor. Tyler made it through and we had the past five years with him. He was my connection to Logan…wait!

"Logan?"

"Mm?"

"Can I have your tags?"

He chuckled and I was surprised to hear it. I looked up at him as reached into his pocket and pulled out the silver dogtags. I think Maggie threw them back at him a few days ago saying she didn't want them near her. He places them around my neck and kisses me. I kiss him back and then pull away to rest my head on his heart.

"I need to go Marie."

"Okay."

He placed me back on the bed and tucked me in. He left and I felt the world grow a little darker. Something moved in my peripheral vision. I looked up and gasped at the figure at the end of my bed.

"Calvin?"

**Sorrow last through this night  
I'll take this piece of You  
And hope for all eternity  
For just one second I felt whole  
As You flew right through me**

He looks at me with a lost expression. The tears running down my cheeks are not mine. Maggie wants to push through but something is stopping her. I shake myself and try to remind myself that there is a dead man in my room. Not wait he's not dead. He looks all glowing and ghostly. He's simply a copy. He has a handful of recent memories, the same looks but he's untouchable and a memory. Just a memory.

"Maggie. If Logan died, I think I'd want to die to. Maybe I'd even want revenge. But that's if the people who killed him deserved it. The x-men did what they had to."

I waited but she didn't reply. I reached out and held my tags.

"I know how it feels like to have someone complete you. The first time I absorbed Logan, I felt whole. He became apart of me. Calvin is apart of you."

There was a sniff in my head which showed she was listening.

"Maggie, we buried you and Calvin side by side. I think he needs you. You're here in my head and he's alone in the spirit world. And this…"

I looked at the copy of Calvin who was looking at the pictures from Tyler Logan had taped to my wall.

"…this is a last desperate attempt to be with him. But it's not him."

"_Marie?"_

"Yeah?"

"_Close your eyes, and focus on me."_

"O…Okay."

I close my eyes and focus on Maggie. Something happens inside me. Every nerve of mine tingles. And it feels far from comfortable.

"_You know what you weakness is?"_

"Maggie-"

"_You're too damn trusting."_

"Don't-"

My words are cut short and I'm shoved back into my mind for a few seconds. Then everything goes dark.

**And we kiss each other one more time  
And sing this lie that's halfway mine**

"_Love. I am here."_

_He looks at me with such tenderness in his eyes. I reach forward and he takes my hand. I grasp it firmly, as only I can, thanks to this being my power._

"_Let's go." I whisper._

_He nods and we walk out the door together. The telepath's won't sense us. I'm a ghost, inhabiting a body whose mind is caged deep within and Calvin is a ghost too. Like shadows we are upstairs and slip out of this place. I walk to the gates and smile at the fact that they are open. I keep walking, Calvin by my side, heading to the cemetery about six miles away. The silence grows heavy between us. It's weird, my Calvin always spent the days talking, whether it was something as complicated as our life or simply the weather. I loved his voice, it was like honey and milk, it filled me with love and helped me relax on even the worst days. We approach the cemetery and I pause for a second. He stops beside me and brushes a strand of hair from my face. In his eyes, I'm me. He can't see Marie. Just me, purple skin and black hair. I walk forward again with determination. I peer at the graves and my heart skips a beat when I find them. Margaret Anne Yates and beside another headstone reading Calvin Howard Yates. I reach for his hand and he moves beside me. I concentrate hard and suddenly feel light. There's a dull thud behind me where Marie's body lies. I've made a copy of myself, removing the fragment of my mind. I lean forward and claim his lips in mine. It's short and sweet but it's enough._

"_You're not real." I whisper._

**The sword is slicing through the question  
So I won't be fooled by his angel light**

_He continues to smile at me, blissfully unaware that he is standing by our graves. I sigh and look at Marie's still form. Then at my hand that's fading away. I know Calvin is too. I could have stayed in Marie's body and kept my ethereal copy of Calvin. But I'd be living a lie. It's tempting to just go back into Marie's body and live with the angelic form of Calvin. But he taught to always be kind to other's, even if they don't deserve it. Our love might of drove us crazy in the end but that's how strong it was. It was everything, first before the world. He's disappearing but hasn't let go of my hand. _

"_I want to be with you. Forever." I whisper._

**Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you  
And hope for all eternity  
For just one second I felt whole  
As you flew right through me  
And up into the stars  
****Joy will come **

"Marie?…. Marie, come on. Wake up baby."

Whu… Oh god my head feels so painful. I can feel a something warm wrapped around me. I attempt to open my eyes but they merely flutter.

"That's it. Open your eyes darlin'"

I try again and the open slowly. Logan is smiling down at me. I realise I'm on his lap and back in my room. He starts talking but I pay no attention. I rub my head and try to recollect my thoughts. And then something registered inside my head.

"- and then we found you in the cemetery." he finishes.

"She's gone." I whisper.

There's a silence in the room. I look around and notice that it's just Logan and I. He probably didn't want me to panic by having the x-medical staff in here.

"What?" he finally asks.

"She's gone. Not a trace left."

"Gone?"

"Yup."

"Forever."

"Yup."

And then he's kissing me like there's no tomorrow. I respond immediately, between the tears that fall. I'm free. I'm free to live again. As we pull away for air he picks me up and carries me out the room. I put my arms around his neck and rest my head against his chest. As we come up the elevator I see people walking around in the pj's. Half of their mouths fall open and then they're all grinning. I get a few squeezes, from those brave enough to reach over Logan and welcome back's from the others. We reach our room and Logan puts me down, slowly so that I can adjust to standing, and closes the door. My eyes have gravitated towards the little bed next to the bigger king sized bed. Tyler is lying face down in his frog pj's, little mouth open and drool dripping out the side. I head over and sit down next to him. I take my sleeve and wipe his mouth. It closes automatically and his eyes open. He takes a moment to focus on me and then he jumps up and flings his arms around me.

"Mommy!"

"Hey angel. I'm back."

"Forever?"

"Yeah, forever."

He pulls back to look at me and touches my head.

"My kiss worked."

"I sure did sweetheart."

He smiles and nestles into my chest. I climb on onto the bigger bed, with Tyler in my arms, and lay down. The bed dips as Logan climbs on behind me and pulls me closer to him. They fall asleep within in minutes but I stay awake listening to their breathing. I'm home.


End file.
